Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
People in love make me want to vomit
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
