The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
