how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm like, not good at living.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
