i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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