just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
