capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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