Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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