If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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