if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
