Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
