I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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