And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
