So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
