I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
