i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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