tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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