just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
