Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Vodka?
Forever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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