My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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