oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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