Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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