so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
