big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
