in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
