i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
