remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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