she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I want is dick and wine.
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