All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
