Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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