"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
