You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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