i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
