but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
