So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
