That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
MIDGETS
????
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
