Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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