I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How's work?
Spinning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
