haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize