she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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