I must be too annoying 4 u.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
