I don't remember. Are we still dating?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
