the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
did you just send me my own nude
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
