Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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