2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
