sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
