I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
