Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
