Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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