Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
