if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
