going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
