Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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