just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
